My Warm Table ... with Sonia

Towards the Dreaming - Aboriginal Funerals with Sharon Todd

October 25, 2022 Sonia Nolan Season 1 Episode 26
My Warm Table ... with Sonia
Towards the Dreaming - Aboriginal Funerals with Sharon Todd
My Warm Table ... with Sonia +
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Show Notes Transcript

Kariyarra Noongar woman Sharon Todd has become the first Aboriginal female in WA to direct a funeral company.

Sharon shares her road to reaching this business and cultural milestone and how her work deeply resonates with her identity and determination to give Aboriginal people a loving and culturally appropriate farewell.

Duration: 49 minutes

Links:

Towards the Dreaming Funeral Services: https://www.towardsthedreaming.com.au/

Waalitj Foundation: https://www.wf.org.au/

Articles about Sharon Todd:

Connect with Sharon Todd on LinkedIn

 

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·      Sincere thanks to Jay (Justin) Hill for his expert sound mastering and patience! Jay, together with the incredible Eva Chye, have inspired me through their passion project If Innovation Could Talk – a YouTube vlog also promoted through LinkedIn. If you have your own ideas for a podcast or video, feel free to reach out to them through the LinkedIn page.

·      Thank you to all my generous guests for their time in sharing their expertise and experiences around My Warm Table.

·      Music: ‘Sweet Soweto’ by Cast Of Characters. Copyright licence for use via soundstripe.com  




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My Warm Table, translated into Italian is Tavola Calda. These were the words my Papa used to describe a table of good friends, good food and good conversation. I always aim to create a tavola calda in my life and I hope this podcast encourages you to do so too!

Sharon Todd:

Hi, my name is Sharon Todd and I'm with towards the dreaming funeral services and the first Aboriginal female here in Western Australia to have a funeral service for our mortgage. And I'm happy to be here at my warm table with Sonia Nolan.

Sonia Nolan:

Sharon, thank you so much for joining me around my warm table today. It's just a delight to have you here.

Sharon Todd:

You're welcome. It is delightful to be here.

Sonia Nolan:

I have so much I want to understand about funeral services about yourself and your culture and about what led you to this moment. So there's so much I'd love to cover with you today. Sharon,

Sharon Todd:

thank you. I'm happy to share that.

Sonia Nolan:

Sharon I'd love to start by understanding your cultural heritage. And the fact that you are a proud Kara Yarra Noongar woman. Yes.

Sharon Todd:

I was born here in on Noongar Boodja here in Perth, and in the 60s, the late 60s. And I grew up here thinking I'm a noongar person and wasn't really too much aware of the the connection back up north until we ended up moving back there when I was about 12 11 12. And then my knowledge started growing about the connections back there with the geriatric people in Port Hedland. My father was from the Stolen Generation. So when his father who was an English man died, the three youngest children got taken off my grandmother, and they were sent to the boys were sent to New Norcia on Magumba Mission and my Auntie was sent Sister Kate's. So we didn't have a lot of connection back to family as we were growing up, because when Dad was growing up in the mission, he was in sent out to work on stations. And eventually he retraced steps and found family and reconnected. But we were still kept very much separate. And then in 1963, I think he went back to live up north and my sister went back as a teenager as well. And then gradually we all started moving back. My connection to non our country was growing up in a time when they were still lived in camps down here. So there was a camp outside of Lockridge called Widjee Road camps? And people live in hessian tents still when I was little,

Sonia Nolan:

and this is the 1970s?

Sharon Todd:

Yes. This was around then. And then there was another camp at Saunders street, there was no houses there down at Henley broke. And we had all gather, like on pension days or pay days people would gather in the park Guildford park and play Two Up and play cards and drink and eat and all come together. And then if Dad wasn't working out bush, we'd would be grape picking or doing other odd jobs around the city. So the referendum happened in 67.

Sonia Nolan:

Which referendum is this?

Sharon Todd:

The referendum to include us as aboriginal people into the Australian Constitution?

Sonia Nolan:

Because up until I think it was 1971 because that was the year of my birth. And that's I think why I remember it the early 70s that Aboriginal people were regarded as flora and fauna in Western Australia, within just in Western Australia or in Australia, it was just in

Sharon Todd:

Western Australia. So it was a time when we were still not totally accepted in society. So we were seen and not heard, basically. But I was a kid. So I didn't know any different.

Sonia Nolan:

So what was your experience? Like as a child, you know, what do you remember about living in the camp and those days at the Guilford park where you're playing and hanging out with all of your extended family? What sort of memories do you have of that? Well, we

Sharon Todd:

were we were always visitors because my dad did quite well. And he actually bought a house with his earnings from mining. So he started all my family of miners, they they the Garriada side, and it was a survival technique. We they used to sit out bush and end which is a method of moving the hands and a column and type piece of tin so that separates the rubbish dirt from the tantalite or tin which you sell. So out their mind to make money. And they fill tins up like milk tins Sunshine milk tins, or coffee tins and pop the lid on it and then take it into Marble Bar to sell it because back in those days, they still had the state batteries are, which was a State run, crushing facility for gold and different ores and that by these minerals off us, and we would buy food with the money that we made from the yandying,

Sonia Nolan:

and the Yandying. So when you describe that that's actually a hand sorting to

Sharon Todd:

hand sorting, so or so you're holding, like a column, and that's made out of tin. So it's a hollow shaped instrument, and you just shake your hands like, yeah, right. And it sorts the rubbish out from from the good stuff from the good stuff a bit like panning for gold. When you're panning for gold, and you using the water to move the rocks around, you're left with the gold, the trail of gold in the end. And that's how we grew up. We grew up in mining and around golden tantalite and, and all other types of materials to make money. And when I looked back into the history of my white family, right back in history in England, they were from coal mines. And so there's a link. So there was a link is followed through. And when my grandfather met my grandmother, they actually lived out bush, and he wasn't allowed to marry her because we were the property of the state right under that 99 fireback plus other acts. So he went out bush and lived with her and they mined to, to make a living and to feed the children. And then when they turned up with five children, that's when they were finally allowed to marry. And he could give his name to the children. My grandfather came from a family of 11. And they all came out on one of the first fleets to Victoria. And he came to Western Australia and married my my grandmother. So back to the original question. The north side of it, I suppose is my memories are just off being with lots of family, on these camps in a child's I suppose it was all exciting. Because there was two apps there was drinking, there was party food, there was lots of kids, and it was all very condensed. And then outside of that was where we lived up in meaning we had a house on solvus point, it was a brand new house, it was built. And dad was the first person that owned it. And I went to meaning primary school until Dad went bankrupt. And then we moved back into the bush. And I remember going back bush and not knowing any of the people because the further we moved Bush, the darker the people became right. And by the time I got to nonagon, I was sitting in the car. And I was really upset that I wasn't as dark as the people that was in Allegan. And cars that come to the car, they'd recognise dad, and they were crying for their brother and hadn't seen him for years. And I'm thinking, why aren't I dark like this. And my mum thought I was scared because I was scared of the people. But I was scared because I was a fair black. I wasn't a dark black father. And over the years since then, this has also come with its own set of issues because there's, there's so much out being born and Aboriginal is so complex, because you either fit in or you don't fit in with this one or that one or you do have no language or you don't know language, or you got culture or you haven't got culture. And it makes things so difficult for the individual. You have to build a special kind of resilience to get through all of that. And the trauma. So you're on the backfoot as soon as you're born and Aboriginal person, you're on a back foot. All the historical and generational trauma is immediately yours, you inherit that. So if you have parents that have also had inherited that and they don't have that resilience or their know how to instil confidence and compassion and determination, and all of those things then you are very challenged with everything in life, from getting out of the welfare system to forging out of Korea. And I have people I have non Indigenous people saying to me, Well, why do you even think about those things? Why don't you just move forward without all of that baggage? And without all of that thought? Well, it's easier said than done? Cause it is, it's like trying to tell a person that's in a domestic violence relationship.

Sonia Nolan:

Why do you just leave? Yeah, we hear that.

Sharon Todd:

Yes, or telling us to just get over it, which are favourites to a lot of people. So as an Aboriginal person, it is very challenging. Because there are all of those things. And when we were brought up in, in that way, and in a time when to not draw attention to yourself and to not have children taken off for you or to not be in, in the spotlight of the authorities, you would always try and please people. So there's a lot of us that are people pleasers. Yes, and we're always there trying to please someone else so that we put ourselves last. And like a lot of people say, Well, that's a part of our culture anyway, because we're such a giving person and you'll see now with 12 kids in tow, because their mothers and fathers are out doing something else. So it has its own special challenges. Being an Aboriginal person with all of that, as it layers. So many layers.

Sonia Nolan:

Sharon, you mentioned building resilience. How did you build resilience as a child?

Sharon Todd:

I think that happened from watching, looking at the noongar our family, but also from my dad's family. And I always attribute my dad to being the person that is because of all the all the trauma that he came through. And he was always very careful not to bleed on everybody else. But while he didn't do that he he did bleed on us a bit, but he also as children, but he also taught us to always work hard for what we wanted. And that another day would always bring a new set of directions of new beginnings, so that it didn't matter what happened yesterday, we can always have a new beginning, we could always make a new path. He was always a person that always had a backup plan. And I think that a lot of us, in my family have always grown up with that to have a backup plan. Good. Good advice. Yeah. So we always fell on our feet, nevermind what we tried to do or where we went. And we always looked at everything as an experience, whether it was a relationship or failed, you know, if we went and lived somewhere, and we thought, oh, no, that job's not working. And this place is not home. That's okay. It's been a really good experience. Let's just turn that page and go back to where we're familiar and regroup and see where we can go to next.

Sonia Nolan:

You talked about some of the wisdom or phrases that your family warmed your table with. And you You told me there was a phrase, Can you dig it? Yeah. Tell me about that. Sharon,

Sharon Todd:

he just always had said that phrase. Can you dig it? It'd be for anything. It'd be like, if he was sitting down having a few drinks, and he would get all philosophical. And the last bit head tag on was Can you dig it? Like can you really understand it? Yeah, it's

Sonia Nolan:

almost like something from the from the 1960s. Yeah, dig this man. Exactly.

Sharon Todd:

And that was his phrase. And he had a few of me had a few good ones who was another one about a wet paper bag, but tell me that one. Oh, no, that's a bit.

Sonia Nolan:

It's a bit rude. Yeah.

Sharon Todd:

He'd say someone couldn't do something. If he was in a wet paper bag and trying to get out. Yeah, he was such a, he was he was way before his time. He used to go out with geologists and read the ground and pick up rocks and know what they were while the geologists would be flicking through his little book trying to find it had just no there was a it was like it was it. It was ingrained in him. Right. Yeah. And even to the point when he did have a partner and he they had a plane and they used to fly lie at night, and he would know where to fly, and how to get home, even though the other follow would be lost, completely lost.

Sonia Nolan:

There's so much. And look, it keeps coming up over and over again, Sharon in the conversations that I have that finally it seems society's is saying, oh, we need to tap into all of that wisdom from our Aboriginal indigenous elders, because there's so much that we can learn about sustainability, there's so much we can learn about fire and how to manage fire in a in a climate changed world. There's so much we can learn about feeding ourselves off the land, there's so much we need to learn about everything. There's so much wisdom within the continuing culture of the Aboriginal culture of, you know, 60,000 odd years of you see the Roman Empire's fallen and every other you know, every other society has fallen. But the Aboriginal culture continues. You know, what is the magic within there that we're all missing? I mean, that's a great big philosophical question. But there's so much within the culture that, jeez, I wish we listened 200 years ago,

Sharon Todd:

yeah, I think it's really important to acknowledge that we did things in our own time. And we did things very quietly and slowly. It's not a big race to get anywhere. So I think that is very important. And it was a lot simpler. We didn't have fancy things, we, we moved with the seasons, we ate with the seasons, we enjoyed our surroundings, we looked at the stars, and the sky and the ground and everything aligned the waterways, and we have a deep respect for all of that. And I think in the world that we're in today, everything is very fast. Yes. And we're not taking that time to look and learn and listen, and be like our ancestors or our old people. And I think that's really damaging to not only our spiritual well being our mental well being our physical well being, but also the environment that we live in. Yeah,

Sonia Nolan:

that's so true. And so why is Sharon and I guess that takes me to the understanding within the culture, the Aboriginal culture of, of death, and the rituals and the importance of the entry and exit into this world and something that you're now specialising in.

Sharon Todd:

Yeah, so I came about this like 22 years ago when my brother in law died. And I took him back to, to marble bar to bury him. And I've always had a I've always had a relationship with death in that. Growing up, we have people die every week or two, there's lots of deaths in our community. So I grew up with losing aunties and uncles, in quick succession. So I have, I thought I had no Auntie's or uncle's left in my mom and dad side. Over time, with the introduction of the white culture, and funerals and death, and the introduction of funeral directors, a lot of death was taken out of the home and out of the families and not being able to bury back on country. So in turn, I think people became afraid. Because when something's taken away, you can almost turn fearful of it. Yes. So I think that's what happened with death, and with a lot of our cultures, because we're so diverse and so different. Many language groups do things differently for the dead. And I recall reading about when my grandfather died, my uncle had put all of his stuff in his old car and burnt it, which was, I think, was the way back then they would put the remains of someone that had passed away in a hollow tree or a hollow log, or if the old person was sick, or if there was a sick person, that leave food with them. And because we were nomadic, if that person caught up then it was meant to be it was meant to be it was joyful, but if they didn't, they were, they were released with love to the ancestors and to the dream time. Yeah. So I think in coming back to the original question, I'm just trying to help bridge the gap between the living and the deceased and, and help that process of grieving and letting go and, and for the spiritual side of the person that's died to help them let go and move on as well.

Sonia Nolan:

So how your How are your funerals quite different to a funeral that would otherwise have been conducted by someone who doesn't understand the Aboriginal culture? So what are some of the things that are asked by these families that you're working with, and you're grieving with helping them through their grief? What sort of cultural traditions do they like to embed within the funeral?

Sharon Todd:

Having me there, it's allowed them to be comfortable enough to say, we want to do our own funeral. So I'm, I'm basically just there to walk alongside to make sure that they are comfortable in what they're doing. And as a funeral director, my job is to ensure that we're following the legal side of things. So if family wants to dress their family in a particular way, I can do that. There are other cultural things that we do for families that I won't talk about here. But I can do that. It's not, they're not disregarded. So so I'm able to do that for the family. And say some particular cultural, particular cultural, or, yeah, and

Sonia Nolan:

healing, what's appropriate. So because you are an Aboriginal woman, you're familiar with those years, those types of rituals and and that understanding so that you can actually they're comfortable asking you about them, you're comfortable saying we really, this is really important for this person?

Sharon Todd:

Yeah. Yeah. So in turn, I've learned, I've learned so much. And it, it really is our honour to be with different families and different language groups and learn and be taught. It's almost like passing on that knowledge. So I am hopeful that more people will come alongside and be a part of this, so that we can start doing our funerals right across Western Australia. And so that it's not so much of a niche,

Sonia Nolan:

and your funeral service is called towards the dreaming. Yeah. Can you describe to me what is the draining for people who may not understand Aboriginal culture? What is the dreaming represent?

Sharon Todd:

So the dreaming room has many different things for many different people. We always say yes, when someone passes away that they've gone to the dream time, and they're in the dream time, and some people think it's final. Some people think it's infinite. So it is many different things for many different people. I would, it probably is like a heaven. Yes, that for us. Yes. Because of those past acts and authorities. And we had Christianity always in different areas. So there are a lot of Aboriginal people that are brought up in that Christian faith, but there are others that aren't, they just have that spiritual side, and the spirituality and then some are mixed together. And that's what we always say, See you in the dream time. And I came across those. When I was sitting down thinking about a business name. That's what I came up with the thinking of, well, that's really great, because we always say that, and I'm helping people towards the dreaming.

Sonia Nolan:

Just coming back to some of the cultural rituals that you might be able to talk about that you do in your funerals, things like I was reading smoking ceremonies, tell me the importance of a smoking ceremony,

Sharon Todd:

or the smoking ceremony means again, it means different things for different people. In the northern north of Australia, it is generally used on homes before houses bricks and mortar. We lived in hampers and bow sheds and under trees. So you could just move you wouldn't need to be within that vicinity where someone's died. But but now that there's bricks and mortar people smoke the house to help spirits go into the dreaming, and people are smoked, to take spirits away from them if if their spirit has attached itself to particular people, so that used mainly for that to help the Spirit on. Yeah.

Sonia Nolan:

And the the smoking ceremonies and I've had the privilege of having been at a smoking ceremony for the Kids Bridge being connected between the Children's Hospital and Kings Park. And this when I was the very first smoking ceremony I'd ever been to. And I, I didn't realise how smoky you get. Yeah, you're pretty smoky by the end when they say smoke, there's a lot of smoke. There is and that's a wonderful, it really does feel like a like a cleansing. You know, you can't you can't miss it. You can't miss the smoke. And are there specific leaves and branches that you should use in a smoking ceremony?

Sharon Todd:

Yes. And again, it's different for different cultures and language groups within the Aboriginal culture. They, I understand down here they use eucalyptus leaves that particular type. But even with our noongar mob this, there's people that believe that it should just be men that does do the smoking. And then in some other areas, other women are allowed to do the smoking,

Sonia Nolan:

when you say do the smoking as in conduct the smoking or smoking,

Sharon Todd:

conduct the slightly watery through the smoke, yes, but just conducting it, there's differences about who should and who shouldn't do it. And I've never performed it myself. And I don't think it's for me to say who can or who couldn't. But it's just important to point out that there is differences.

Sonia Nolan:

Yes. And there are and that and that's something that's quite clear with the Aboriginal culture as well. For example, I believe, and please correct me if I've got this completely wrong, that the didgeridoo is only allowed to be played by a

Sharon Todd:

man. That's correct. Yeah. And I think that amongst Aboriginal people, that's a no brainer, right across, right across Australia. Yes, yeah. Yes.

Sonia Nolan:

I remember seeing a documentary a few years ago, where a community was established by the government in the north, and everybody was corralled to come and live in that particular community. And it was just such a difficult merge of different cultures, different skin groups, different beliefs. And this thinking that all Aboriginal people are the same is so flawed in the way that a lot of government policies are written and in the way that we just think, because we're not in tune, or we're not asking the questions as people like yourself about what the special, specific aspects of your culture within the Aboriginal sort of culture is.

Sharon Todd:

Yeah, that's right. And it's not the same fit for everybody in any of the things that we do. Australia spends billions and billions of dollars on health programmes, housing programmes, employment programmes, there's still a disparity, there's still a lot of people that are missing out, we still have poverty within the Aboriginal population, we still have the highest incarceration rate, the highest unemployment, we still have so many shortfalls in health, we've got the highest rate of kidney disease, renal failure, heart failure, it's so sad, it shouldn't be happening. And it's because we're all being treated. Like we should be treated the same. But it isn't. It's different people, there's different differences in all of our cultures, and there needs to be a unique way of treating each each of the issues so that those people over on community, I thrive and strive the same as people over on community be.

Sonia Nolan:

I've just recently heard something from from a friend who said, you know, as we're moving forward into the future, the one of the, you know, what used to be the golden rule was treat others as you'd like them as you'd like to be treated. But he said, Now, it's actually treat people as they would like and want to be treated. Yes. And I just found that that little nuance of, of language, you know, putting that sentence in a completely different way makes so much sense and exactly what you've just said, you know, we can't just treat them how we want to be treated. Yes, with respect and with all of those, you know, why maybe

Sharon Todd:

all the main values

Sonia Nolan:

but treat people as they want to be treated as they need to be treated, which respects their own culture and their own interpretation and nuance of what is meaningful for them.

Sharon Todd:

Very definitely. And it's the same in in death, like around what I do. It's about meeting people on their country and meeting them how they want to do their family's funeral. So when so I'm at the back end, I'm at the funeral stage. But before we get to that funeral, we hope that all of the services and provision of services to that person is how they would have wanted it, and how the community would have wanted it. So that by the time they get to me, there isn't all the hardships that they they're having. And that when they move on from that funeral, they can move on knowing that the trauma of losing that person has not been in vain. They've there, they've got the strength to go on, to be more for the family that are here.

Sonia Nolan:

Yes. And, and are those steps actually in place? Now, Sharon, to before they get to you? Are they in place?

Sharon Todd:

No, no, no, because people were still dying too young. Yes. And, and, and that's because of lifestyle and all of the things that aren't there, like the person the mental health isn't being addressed appropriately, how they need it to be addressed them, the models that are non Indigenous models aren't working on our people. So I just see that we're still lacking in so many areas.

Sonia Nolan:

So that then I guess means that the people that you do work with, there is an enormous amount of trauma still within them at the time of the funeral.

Sharon Todd:

There's lots of trauma, particularly around how to pay for the funeral. And so it extends the trauma. The person's died younger than what they should have, and possibly in circumstances that would prevent rentable. Yes. Very preventable. Double pnemonia. Yeah. If if a person has adequate housing, shelter, warmth, food, you're very likely not to get double pnemonia in the first place. If renal failure, you know, renal failure, diabetes, lifestyle, again, it's about food, education, warmth, housing, all of that stuff. So it's, it can be very traumatic, very heartbreaking for people.

Sonia Nolan:

Yes. So how do you hold that space? Sharon? How do you hold them within that?

Sharon Todd:

I've always felt that I've been given some gifts. I describe myself a bit as a death doula funeral director, yes. And I, I've always had a relationship with death, I think because of all the deaths in my family and around my family and within the culture. Of course, I grew up afraid of death, like a lot of other people do, and children do. And I just remember over the years, learning a lot about spirituality and what that brings, and particularly within the Aboriginal culture, because it's, it's very deep, and it's very I don't want to romanticise it because it's not in that space at all, that there's a deep and wisdom, there's a deep wisdom that comes with it as well. And I think, for me, I, as a funeral director, I'm there to provide a strength for the families to be able to express help them express what they need to get through that period, through that sadness. And you never you never give up grieving for a person but you do learn to walk with it. And you you still learn to take that spiritual side with you of that person. And I think that's very important like I still have I still have my little cry but in my a sadness for the whole families and our whole race, you know, the sadness for our whole race, because we we don't throw back We are dying out. And and I think that if I can help in some way to preserve that and to help people walk with it, and to be more akin with it, then then I'm I feel like I'm playing a big part in helping with our mob move forward.

Sonia Nolan:

There's a lot of healing within that.

Sharon Todd:

Yeah, definitely. And I, I feel very privileged to be in this space as well. And learn as much as I can from other funeral directors but, but learn in a way that I can be different, and I can be more within our culture. And I've do this by learning a lot about other cultures and looking how they do things and how, how they celebrate the life of the person that's passed. And it's fascinating. It's a fascinating subject right around the world. And just the different traditions and norms people have. It's amazing. And this is what I try and encourage our job to do, you know, be unique, if you want to, if you want to colour inside and outside of that coffin or casket you you do that you do it. This is, and this is this person's last day on earth, if you want to spend four hours with them, spend four hours with them.

Sonia Nolan:

Sharon, I'd love to understand your road to becoming a funeral director. I know that it was sort of a moment 22 years ago when you did your first funeral that you sort of started thinking about the opportunity to bridge culture and ritual and appropriate sort of farewells into the dreaming for Aboriginal people. But then what set you on, I guess, the path of study and how did how did that manifest for you?

Sharon Todd:

I, I've done family funerals. So the first was my brother in law, then my dad, and then my nephew down here in Perth, and then my other brother in law back on country again in Port Hedland. And then, I realised that with each one, the difficulties around purchasing a coffin, and being able to have the same things that other funeral directors have the car to transport my loved one to the resting place. It's really hard because the funeral industry is a very closed industry. And if you are not a registered or licenced funeral director, it's nigh on difficult to try and purchase a coffin within the industry. You can't wait. You can't. You can't. We had to buy the coffin online. And it came from Melbourne from coffin world. And so it doubled in cost yes to get here. But it was also a wonderful experience. Because when the truck turned up, all the kids came out. And they all helped carry it into the lounge room. And we put it in the lounge room and they all help unpack it. And then we opened it. And we all spoke about it. We all had a look at it. We all got familiar with it. And yes, Uncle, uncle scanner go in there and then we'll take uncle so it was a whole learning experience. And it was really, it was really a really intimate time with with all our grannies in our family. And so I thought there has to be a better way for me to do this. So I'm going to try and become a funeral director. The lady that I hired to drive the hearse, because I couldn't get a hearse. I couldn't hire a hearse is no such thing. You've now got one. I've now got two how to and they've been smoked haven't been smoked. Yeah, they have Yes. And they're the oldest hearse on the planet, but they're they're beautiful old girls, and and they do the job. Well. They do the job well. So I've finally found a lady that agreed to hire the hearse for my cousin's sorry, my nephews funeral. And we got to talking she she drove. I couldn't drive her hers. But she drove and during that, that drive to the cemetery and to pick him up and to take him to the church for the service. She said, I can do my work experience with her funeral director because she had the same problems when she wanted to bury her father in law and So I did my work experience here in Perth with this beautiful lady who had just started out as well. And that is, that's it. That's how I ended how I started. Yeah, there's lots of regulations in Western Australia around being a funeral director. And I think that's not a bad thing. Because it's, it's ingrained in tradition, and integrity and love and all of those things. It's just it, it is a really respectable industry to be in. And that has given me good grounding, to be able to get out there and help our mob and to have funerals in their way in how they want to, and have the understanding that yes, we do have cultural differences. And they, I can help them do those things. Like with that funeral we had down in oddington, there was there was the culture, there was no, there was only one song that was by Dolly Parton. And then the rest of the time, it was Noongar singing, and noongar clapping sticks. And they, they even had a didgeridoo along, which was beautiful, and the smoking ceremony and dancing. And that was wonderful. That was that was a real celebration of life and, and the family gave me permission to talk about it, to share it on social media so so other people will be able to see that this is what's possible. Yes. And it's okay to celebrate your person. And it's okay to share your culture in that person and the love for that person.

Sonia Nolan:

Part of the work that you do, Sharon is clearly in bridging this gap for Aboriginal people in in having a culturally appropriate funeral and farewell. Part of the other guests gap that you're bridging and the information you're bringing to Aboriginal people is this understanding of what society expects from wills and probate and all sorts of you know, all of those really difficult conversations sometimes, but how are you managing that element of talking about death?

Sharon Todd:

What I've been trying to do is get around and talk to as many people as I can, just about the whole process of will some dying and dying without a will. And the painfulness of probate because it is really painful, and it can be long and drawn out. And there's lots of documents involved and toing and froing. So you need to be able to have a will and to have people that you can rely on it that time to go through all those processes. At the moment, I'm finding that if there are Aboriginal people that die in nursing homes, then the public trustee will come forward. Without faith, they do hold a bit of understanding for Aboriginal people, because I know that they sometimes there's not always a next of kin, or there's not a will. So they're really they're really caught in being able to work with funeral directors and families to to access funds to put the put loved one at rest. And but I like going around to different groups who sometimes they have already groups and they meet. And so I'll go and just have a chat about what it means to have a will do they know what happens when they die, where they go? Who looks after them at that stage, what what they can do if they die at home, what things are necessary, what things are unnecessary if they die in the hospital? So these are all things that I like going out and talking to people about before they die so that they can be a little bit more prepared and lessen the heartache I suppose for those that are left behind

Sonia Nolan:

is death and easy conversation.

Sharon Todd:

No, it's not but I find that with our mob it. People like to lighten things a bit. So there's always a few jokes around and the old people don't get they don't get that uncomfortable but they Yeah, they they X questions that they want to ask they all ask me some curly ones. And that's okay. I don't mind that either. Sometimes it is difficult A lot to talk about. I remember, in in one instance, when I went to visit someone that that was passing away, I taught him fish and chips and, and we had a great conversation. And he was he was adamant that he wanted certain things done for him. And we were able to agree was able to pass away knowing that those things were going to be done. So it, it worked out well for everybody.

Sonia Nolan:

You're also being supported in a way because you're a funeral director, but you're also a small business. So you're a businesswoman. Yeah. And the we're a fund or wallich. Yeah, the Walitj hub, Walitj hub is really integral to helping you in your small business,

Sharon Todd:

they have been fantastic. And my coach, I was lucky I walked in at the same time that Raylene Baloti, walked out of her office. And I explained to them what I wanted to do. And she just pointed at me and looked at the receptionist and said, aquamarine to me, I want her. So So I was really lucky to get her as well, how

Sonia Nolan:

fabulous. So just a little bit of background. So the wallich Foundation, which used to be called the we're a ponder Foundation, or the Wira Hub. So the essence behind that is that it's a foundation specifically to support and ignite Aboriginal businesses, small businesses, and to support them with business coaching and opportunities for networks and to get a start

Sharon Todd:

very definitely. So the hub does that. The Foundation does a whole gamut of services that help Aboriginal people move forward. Yeah. So you

Sonia Nolan:

find that you're using your time you're spending your time between Perth and headland Is that what's happening in your world at the moment,

Sharon Todd:

that's what's happening in my world at the moment I, I'm the flying funeral director, it's working. And I don't mind doing that. Because for me, it's an honour to be able to be with people and help people through this time and do whatever I can. So I've been around talking to heaps, heaps of people, especially about my long term vision, the long term goal, which is to turn the funeral business into our foundation and going on, not for profit, so that we can attract the funding for people to be able to have funerals for free. Yes, I have this thing about it being our country and our resources. And it shouldn't be so heartbreaking to have to find all that money to give someone a send off. So I'm being connected with likeminded, people who think the same and hopefully we will work towards a not for profit, funeral service that can be in all the big regions and can help people through this very traumatic time.

Sonia Nolan:

It's such an honourable dream. And I wish you every success with that, Sharon, it's been an absolute honour and privilege to have you around my warm table today. So thank you for making time for me and helping me understand much more about the Aboriginal culture and the special elements that make it important to respect the culture up until the very, very end when we're saying goodbye to a loved one.

Sharon Todd:

Thank you very much for having me around your table.

Sonia Nolan:

You've been listening to my warm table with Sonia Nolan in Italian a tavola calda is a warm and welcoming table where you can share big ideas, friendship, laughter and life. So much happens around the kitchen table, and I wanted to amplify it here in this podcast. My aim is to feed your mind and soul through smart conversations with heart. No topic is off limits, but good table manners rule. I hope you'll join us each week as we set the table for my extraordinary guests who will let you feast on their deep knowledge, life experiences and wise insights. Let's keep the conversation flowing. Please subscribe to the my warm table podcast and share it with your friends and networks. Perhaps if they're new to podcasting, take a moment to show them how to download and subscribe so they don't miss an episode either. I'd also love you to join our community on Facebook. You'll find the group at my warm table podcast. Your support is very much appreciated. So that together we can eat, think and be merry