Ripples of kindness and compassion with Catherine Kolomyjec

Catherine Kolomyjec is studying at Stanford University’s Centre for Compassion and Altruism Research to become a Global Ambassador for Applied Compassion.  She talks to us about her journey in social work, helping to resettle Bosnian refugees in Norway, sending hundreds of postcards to stranded sailors off the coast of WA during COVID lockdown and many more inspiring acts of kindness. 

Our table is set for a smart conversation with heart about kindness and compassion. These are core values of this podcast and so I’m delighted to be joined by Catherine - Perth’s own kindness guru -  who is spending every one of her micro moments connecting people and encouraging acts of kindness to create a more compassionate society.  She tells us it’s good for our heart and our brains … and our world.  

“The definition of compassion is a deliberate decision to lean into another person’s suffering and a commitment to doing something about it.” – Catherine Kolomyjec   

Duration: 34 minutes. 

Links: Catherine Kolomyjec LinkedIn Kindness Project Stanford University Centre for Compassion and Altruistic Research Little Box of Happiness Soul Gestures Periscope Crew Amnesty International Santa Maria College Book: Into the Magic Shop: A Neurosurgeon’s Quest to Discover the Mysteries of the Brain and the Secrets of the Heart by James R Doty  

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Thank you!

Sincere thanks to Jay (Justin) Hill for his expert sound mastering and patience! Jay, together with the incredible Eva Chye, have inspired me through their passion project If Innovation Could Talk – a YouTube vlog also promoted through LinkedIn. If you have your own ideas for a podcast or video, feel free to reach out to them through the LinkedIn page.

Thank you to all my generous guests for their time in sharing their expertise and experiences around My Warm Table.

Music: ‘Sweet Soweto’ by Cast Of Characters. Copyright licence for use via soundstripe.com   

Transcript

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Catherine Kolomyjec: 0:05

Human beings are born to be compassionate, and human beings are born to be kind and all the evidence is that is how we've evolved. Darwin didn't say survival of the fittest, he actually said it was the sympathetic people who will survive. And so his view is that it is the ability to work together is what makes human beings human beings.

Sonia Nolan: 0:27

Our table is set for a smart conversation with heart about kindness and compassion. These are core values of this podcast. And so I'm delighted to be joined by Perth's own, kindness guru, Catherine Kolomyjec, who is spending every one of her micro moments connecting people and encouraging acts of kindness to create a more compassionate society. She tells us, it's good for our heart and our brains, and our world. Sonia Nolan is my name. And this is my warm table, an Australian podcast inspired by my Italian heritage, and the concept of a 'tavola calda' a warm and welcoming table where curiosity, acceptance and big ideas feed not just your stomach, but also your mind and soul. It is an absolute pleasure to have you here, Catherine, thank you so much for your time.

Catherine Kolomyjec: 1:14

Oh, thank you so much for having me.

Sonia Nolan: 1:15

Now, Catherine, you have got the coolest title in the world. Is that the Global Ambassador for Applied Compassion,

Catherine Kolomyjec: 1:24

Well maybe Global ambassador for Applied Compassion in training

Sonia Nolan: 1:27

in training?

Catherine Kolomyjec: 1:29

Yeah, I'm, yeah, so I'm currently studying at Stanford, at their Centre for Applied Compassion and Altruistic Research. And if all goes well, in November, I'll be allowed to use that title. So I'm a learner at the moment,

Sonia Nolan: 1:43

that is amazing that will tell us what that what does that actually mean? Because it is it is the coolest title and to have the word compassion as part of what you're supposed to do every day in your job is just phenomenal.

Catherine Kolomyjec: 1:54

Look, it's I'm still overwhelmed. Just being able to do it. Stanford runs is I think it's the third or fourth year of doing it,

Sonia Nolan: 2:00

that's Stanford University in the US?

Catherine Kolomyjec: 2:02

in the US. So my study hours are about 1am

to 7: 2:05

30am

Sonia Nolan: 2:06

Oh virtual.

Catherine Kolomyjec: 2:08

And there's about 96 of us in our cohort from all over the world All committed and passionate about bringing compassion into their different workplaces. And I'm this little community worker in Perth, feeling a little bit like an impostor some days, but being surrounded by this incredible global village who are dedicated to compassion and community and connectedness, and learning from our heroes.

Sonia Nolan: 2:35

Who are the heroes of compassion?

Catherine Kolomyjec: 2:36

Oh, well, the Dalai Lama is one. And the Dalai Lama actually funded the opening of the centre at Stanford, it was with Dr. James Doty, who wrote the book Into the Magic Shop, which is one of my favourite books, I think I'm up to about my 10th copy because I keep giving them away. And he was a neurosurgeon who had an extraordinary childhood a very traumatic childhood. And he happened to walk into a magic shop when he was about 10, or 11. And the old lady, the grandmother in the shop, wanted to teach him the magic and the magic she taught him was mindfulness.

Sonia Nolan: 3:12

Wow, that is magic. That is magic stuff mindfulness.

Catherine Kolomyjec: 3:16

And basically, it changed his life. And so he has been a very successful neurosurgeon. And then he has turned to looking at how mindfulness and compassion can actually change your life and change your health and change your well being and your mental health and your success. And, you know, that is everything I'm trying to do. So my project at Stanford is to actually try to work out the well being and mental health benefits of teaching young people compassion.

Sonia Nolan: 3:46

That sounds like a really big task, but I suspect it's done with lots of small acts.

Catherine Kolomyjec: 3:54

Yeah. And it's funny because of the word that we keep coming back to in a lot of them is it's the micro moments, the micro moments. So a lot of people get very daunted about how can I be kinder? How can I be compassionate in my life, and they want to go big.

Sonia Nolan: 4:10

Save the world.

Catherine Kolomyjec: 4:10

Yeah. And then they go, that's too hard. So part of the job is to actually try to help people realise that a lot of the time, it's actually being just more aware of what you're already doing. Because human beings are born to be compassionate

Sonia Nolan: 4:22

I agree.

Catherine Kolomyjec: 4:23

And human beings are born to be kind and all the evidence is that is how we've evolved. Darwin didn't say survival of the fittest, he actually said it was the sympathetic people who will survive. And so his view is that the ability to work together is what makes human beings human beings.

Sonia Nolan: 4:40

It's interesting. You say that, because I remember studying philanthropy many, many years ago, a beautiful course that really took us back to the whole idea of philanthropy and the whole idea of collaboration and back to caveman era where the concept of collaboration was about survival because there's no way you could have hunted and gathered without each other. And there's no way you could consume that enormous animal that you did hunt without each other. And it really was a case of collaboration was survival.

Catherine Kolomyjec: 5:12

100%. And that's one of the things I try to teach young people is it's not the Neanderthal man with the club beating each other. That's actually where human beings have evolved. It's the ones who actually started to work together and become villages, and work out how to cooperate and work out how to mend a broken leg and all of those things. That is how human beings have survived. There's a beautiful story. And it's an Australian story in many ways, from the 60s, which is very little known about a bunch of boys in Tonga, who took stole, borrowed a little boat and acquired and decided to go out for a sail and the boat got lost, and they ended up on a rocky island and no one found them. Their families went through the funeral processes and the memorials because they thought they were lost to sea. Anyway, an Australian yachtsman from Queensland was out in the ocean, and he saw smoke coming off this little rocky outcrop, months and months later, I can't even remember how long it was, it was nine or 10 months, a long time. And he found these boys. And what he found was exactly the opposite of what we we all think it would be Apocalypse Now

Sonia Nolan: 6:18

Lord of the Flies,

Catherine Kolomyjec: 6:18

Lord of the Flies Apocalypse Now. But these boys had actually created routines, they had started to grow things, one of the boys had broken his leg, and they had actually repaired it. They had organised to have little meetings at the end of each day to reconcile any differences oh how clever so that they had actually thrived? And one of those young boys still lives in Australia. I think he's in Melbourne. But I think that's a really important thing is that when human beings are in crisis, and let's face it, the world is definitely been in crisis in the last couple of years, it has people go looking for ways of cooperating, they go looking for connection, those people doing the chalk on the pavements, or putting the teddy bears in the windows,

Sonia Nolan: 6:59

we've seen so many of those micro moments, as you'd call them in the last few years of COVID. And look, I know, in my own little street, I started a WhatsApp group so that we could all connect, we had some older people at the other end of the cul de sac that we live in, and they weren't necessarily mobile. So you know, we made sure if anybody needed or was going down to the shops on that time, when you know, you really only were allowed out if you went to the shop. And we'd gather milk for everybody in this street,

Catherine Kolomyjec: 7:25

toilet paper,

Sonia Nolan: 7:25

toilet paper, oh, gosh, the toilet paper saga! They/re the micro moments and they're the things that connection, exactly. We're all looking for, how can we help each other? And how can we be helped.

Catherine Kolomyjec: 7:35

And all of us have realised over these last couple of years that it's become the most important thing.

Sonia Nolan: 7:41

Definitely

Catherine Kolomyjec: 7:42

there is this wave. And it was interesting, because I was listening to Kate Chaney's interview with you. And she talks about how it's a time and place now and I feel the same. And they've been saying that my mentor at Stanford says the same. This year is different from previous years, there is this deep need in human beings, and it's a worldwide need. So everybody in my cohort at Stanford is feeling the same for people to change, to want to connect,

Sonia Nolan: 8:10

and also this, this need and this acceptance of authenticity.

Catherine Kolomyjec: 8:14

No longer are we having to put a facade up we're allowed to say we're vulnerable. We're allowed to say we're suffering and that suffering isn't an individual suffering anymore. It's a human suffering. And it's actually really quite refreshing. I've been running a challenge with the parents at Santa Maria over the last four weeks by zoom. And they go, you're quite happy just to talk about anything I said, Yeah. But it's because we're all imperfect. And if we can find that, the perfect imperfect, that's, that's what we have in common. And we can look out for each other because we are all suffering, whether it's little suffering, in little moments, through the frustration of the dishwasher not being packed correctly, or through to quite major suffering. And people you know, suffering in their relationships or suffering with health issues or suffering from being separated from family members, or the big one I'm coming across, in every project I'm doing is suffering of loneliness.

Sonia Nolan: 9:10

Yeah, that's a big issue, isn't it? And it is that you know, you hear those those lovely little comments and quotes that come through your social media feed that are be kind because you never know what somebody's going through,

Catherine Kolomyjec: 9:21

I'm in an extremely privileged position as people do let me know what they are going through. We need to create spaces where people can do that. There's a lot of people suffering. The definition of compassion is that it's a deliberate decision to lean into another person's suffering and a commitment to do something about it. And I think what we all need to be able to do is create spaces where there is space to lean into another person's suffering.

Sonia Nolan: 9:45

And what does that mean then because that probably means slowing down a bit, taking note of what's going on around you, and maybe even reaching out of your comfort zone sometimes to connect with somebody and instead have just how you going? Yeah, fine. Actually prod a little bit deeper

Catherine Kolomyjec: 10:04

100%. But what I guess what I want to say, and I think I've really learned this through this process this year is don't be too hard on yourself. Because I think a lot of people go, Oh, gosh, you know, I can't do this, you know, and beat themselves up. And even just caring about caring is compassion. So even if that moment is that you're listening now, and being aware in this moment, that is an act of compassion. So, yes, I think we all we're all learning, and I think we're all trying to create more space. And that's really important. But baby steps, those micro moments, and it's transforming. I have one of the participants in a challenge, contact me, she said, Look, just because of learning the skills to stop in that moment, which is what you just said. She said, I saw an old lady walking along the street in Fremantle, and she looked lost, and she looked a little bit scared. So I just smiled at her and asked her how her day was, and her whole demeanour changed,

Sonia Nolan: 10:59

and what do they call them random acts of kindness. And they are so powerful. And it's one of the reasons I was so excited to talk to you Catherine, it's a philosophy that I've always tried to live by, and I'm that crazy woman in the street that will stop you and say, Hey, you look amazing today. Oh, I really like your hair, or those glasses really suit you or, wow, you've done a great job in the way that you've just handled your child in the supermarket today was just fantastic. You just keep going, you know, I'm that sort of cheerleader that that stranger cheerleader?

Catherine Kolomyjec: 11:30

But you know what? They're the moments people remember for life. Like I remember having three kids in a shopping trolley. And I can't even imagine what I looked like going through at the shops. And this old lady came up to me in the middle of the supermarket. And she gave me I think it was$20. So it's a lot of money for a mum with three kids. You know, we're talking 20 years ago. And she said, your kids are just so beautiful. And the way they are interacting with you is so beautiful. I want you to go and buy a treat for you and your kids

Sonia Nolan: 12:00

Oh how gorgeous.

Catherine Kolomyjec: 12:01

Now, I will never forget that. I will never forget someone seeing us at our best even though I didn't think we're at our best.

Sonia Nolan: 12:09

You've reminded me of this beautiful gentleman that I knew in my early 20s. He ran a course in being your best. And he was also a work colleague of mine. And he said, When you have children, Sonia, make sure you always catch them being good. And I loved that and I really loved that philosophy. And I tried to live with it. I look I caught them being really naughty many, many, many times. Especially my son, but

Catherine Kolomyjec: 12:36

not your beautiful son.

Sonia Nolan: 12:37

Yes, that one. Yes, that one. I absolutely remember though, that that idea of catching them being good really resonated with me. So I tried equally, if not more so to catch them being good, and let them know why they were being good and how they were being good. And that was just a really powerful little moment for me.

Catherine Kolomyjec: 12:58

100%. And one of the things you know, that I've learned is that even in the moments when they're being naughty, and you're feeling frustrated, or you're feeling triggered, you know, that moment of going, Okay, I'm feeling really angry now. And actually going back to what is it? I remember what I like about my kids in that moment, that micro moment might just take away a little bit of that stress, and that anxiety and that reaction and you might respond in a different way. Because in the end that trigger, isn't your child, that triggers generally what's going on for you?

Sonia Nolan: 13:31

Yeah, that's right.

Catherine Kolomyjec: 13:31

It's a really big lesson if you can take that moment to be aware and actually go, Okay, this isn't my kid, my kid is this

Sonia Nolan: 13:39

acknowledging both emotions, I guess what I'm taking out is that you acknowledge the emotion that your child's going through at that moment,

Catherine Kolomyjec: 13:45

and then investigate it

Sonia Nolan: 13:46

and investigate it, and also acknowledging what's going on inside you at that moment as well and seeing where the match is

Catherine Kolomyjec: 13:53

because in the end, all of us have what I call a shadow self, you know, we all have stories in our life or trauma in our life, or memories from our childhood, or things that are going on, that impacts the way we respond. learning those skills is a lifelong learning, and I'm definitely you know, I struggle with it, as well. And I think it's a really important thing that we all should try to learn because I think if we can recognise that we're all vulnerable. And we're all going to respond from that shadow self. And that if we can actually recognise that shadow self and as you say, be aware of what our feelings are and then investigate it just for a second. Our responses are going to be more compassionate not just to the person but to ourselves.

Sonia Nolan: 14:39

Definitely. Catherine I want to explore how did you get to to this moment of being an ambassador for kindness and and talking on kindness and running the Kindness Project across schools, your not for profit, Soul Gestures is now just absolutely blowing up with interest and excitement about people wanting to find that connection. But your backstory is that you're a social worker. Tell me more about your journey, your career journey.

Catherine Kolomyjec: 15:12

I'm stunned at where I am right this moment. Because yeah, I'm a social worker, I went to university just down the road at Curtin. I developed a love for human rights. When I was in Year 10 a teacher, I went to Santa Maria, my English teacher introduced me to Amnesty International. And so we were writing letters once a week. And suddenly I saw that some of our letters actually made an impact that we're actually watching people get released, innocent people get released, an individual can make change. And so I studied social work. And I had been an exchange student in Norway. And so I got offered a job on graduation. I literally flew out the day after my final exams to go and be a social worker in a town, a little village in Norway.

Sonia Nolan: 15:56

I see that you speak fluent Norweigian.

Catherine Kolomyjec: 16:01

Ya. And so I lived in this incredible village, in the biggest fjord in Norway with the glacier behind me with moose who would put their heads in my window, and I had red currants growing wild. It was the most ideal environment, but I was coordinating the arrival of the Bosnian refugees. Norway was the last place in Europe that kept its borders open. And so we're getting people who are coming straight out of concentration camp environments. I was a new grad,

Sonia Nolan: 16:34

you are about 22? what a privilege, Catherine,

Catherine Kolomyjec: 16:35

Yeah and trying to work out their practical needs, but also their emotional needs, and work with a I know, and people, a lot of people, their first impression was, oh my gosh, that sounds awful, that village that was so open, it was a time and place to learning about others and to connecting. And it was an extraordinary time sort of work. But it was completely the opposite. If to work where everybody in the village welcomed these people as we tried to reunite them with their families. And I was very, very lucky to have had that experience. And Norway holds a very, very dear place in my heart still. So when I came back to Perth, literally had my backpack my stuff hadn't even arrived home and I got a job working with torture and trauma survivors here in Perth as their point of arrival. Because obviously, that was what I'd been doing in Norway and so spent many years working as the on arrival case coordinator for you're part of where people's identity has been ripped apart, torture and trauma survivors here in Perth, getting blessed by hundreds of different nationalities. And being part of the moments people start to rebuild their identity. And what and you are part of allowing them to find words on the I learned unspeakable, and that was my greatest gift was being able to create a safe space where they could find words when there are no words. And they could find a way to put one foot back in front of the other and not, not dismissing what they've been through, finding the who they are, again, to be able to move forward. And I just feel like I was the luckiest human being in the world to be part of that. And to be able to see some extraordinary moments. You know, I talk to young people, and I'm talking through the Kindness Project that there was one of these men who - we found his wife and child - we're standing at the airport, and he was shaking. And I didn't know what to do. I was like, How can I make this good for him? He is terrified. He is not the human being he was before the war. How can I make this safe for him in this moment, and all I did was just put my hand on his shoulder. There were no words for that moment. Anyway, a couple of days later, he came back into my office and he said thank you. And I said, Oh, what for? And he said, When you patted me on my shoulder, you made me feel like a human being again for the very first time in years. And I um that's why I do what I'm doing.

Sonia Nolan: 19:10

So your work with refugees continued on. And in fact, there was a Kindness Project that you did. Was it the Postcard Project?

Catherine Kolomyjec: 19:19

Yeah, yeah.

Sonia Nolan: 19:20

I was reading about that Catherine, tell us about that.

Catherine Kolomyjec: 19:22

So look, hubby and I started Soul Gestures about 15 years ago. Basically to acknowledge the quiet people in the community doing things and we got worked with AdShell and put up busstop posters, telling those stories to inspire others in the community. And then it rolled into a lot of youth work

Sonia Nolan: 19:40

and Soul Gestures is a not for profit that you run

Catherine Kolomyjec: 19:42

It's a charity. Yes. And it's probably here. the tiniest charity in Perth. But we have a massive village of people and young people. And so look, our whole motto is to inspire young people to shine and to provide opportunities for young people to be involved in the community to learn leadership, to learn community engagement to bring marginalised groups into the community. And so one of the things we had set up up about three years ago was that we would do 50 acts of kindness with young people. And then suddenly COVID struck. And we were ready to go, because we'd already had this programme up of young people going and doing these bits of fairy dust, I call it. And so one of the things we got asked to do so we had young people doing beautiful acts of kindness. But we got approached because everyone would remember the ship, the Artania was sitting in the port in Fremantle, and their crew members, so there was over 400 of them were isolated in their rooms at a time when we were so frightened about COVID.

Sonia Nolan: 20:42

Yes, we were,

Catherine Kolomyjec: 20:43

we were calling the ship, a Petri dish. And these were human beings. And a lot of them were quite young human beings, far from home, far from their countries frightened that they were going to die. And we got asked if we could just buy some postcards so that they could see what Perth looked like.

Sonia Nolan: 21:01

Who asked you to do this>

Catherine Kolomyjec: 21:02

the caterer,

Sonia Nolan: 21:03

the caterer?

Catherine Kolomyjec: 21:04

who was making the food and putting it on the plates outside the door. Because they were not allowed to have contact with them. The crew members who would be putting a little note saying thank you for the dinner on their door. And so they said, Look, over 200 of these crew members don't even have a window, so they can't even look out. Would you be able to buy some postcards, and we will put them on a plate for dinner so they can see what Perth looks like. And so I contacted all the young people we work with, through Soul Gestures and said, Look, wouldn't it be nice if we wrote them? And so young people and we only had like three days to do it, wrote over 400 postcards, wishing crew members well, wishing them a safe journey home, telling bad dad jokes, telling them their favourite thing about Perth and WA and talking about Rotto and the beaches and fantastic tourism ambassadors.

Sonia Nolan: 21:52

I saw one postcard that was from a young woman or young girl and she said that she plays AFL footy And just talking about her day and what she does, just normality.

Catherine Kolomyjec: 22:03

Yeah. And so young person. You know, it was, you know, one of the boys drew a picture of a crab. You know, there's just these beautiful things that they did. So anyway, they got delivered on the Thursday night. And by that time, it had been announced that the Artania was going to be leaving on the Saturday. They were put on their dinner plates. And what happened was only about an hour, hour and a half before they found out one of their crew members had died.

Sonia Nolan: 22:28

Oh, gosh,

Catherine Kolomyjec: 22:29

they were inside their rooms crying. They couldn't have hugs. No, they had no one to talk to. And they opened the door and they got these postcards and the outpouring of love that came back to us from that simple act was overwhelming for about 48 hours. I didn't sleep a minute, we were getting messages all day all night from crew members showing us photos of them holding up their postcards thanking us for the humanity. Saying us oldies could learn from the young people. Their family members and other countries started contacting us saying thank you. It went crazy. And the craziness was that I guess we flipped the story. By being compassionate. Yeah, that way, in that one little moment, people felt like we were a world connected and and that's what they were saying. They said, we feel like we're part of one world again.

Sonia Nolan: 23:31

Your Kindness Project that you're working on now that you know that sort of seems to consume a lot of your time working with schools, is about finding those micro moments and opportunities and tell us some of the tangible ideas that are coming out of that

Catherine Kolomyjec: 23:45

There's a few things that we're doing so obviously teaching them what compassion means, and that it is part of what makes us human. But I've actually done a lot of work with them on the neuroscience, of compassion, of how it actually affects your body and your health. We look at a brain you know, when you're compassionate it affects seven separate areas of your brain just by acts of compassion. I teach them about what happens with oxytocin and how it opens up your blood vessels. So it's actually good for your heart health, and how serotonin has a calming effect and can actually really help when you're anxious and dopamine and young people love dopamine, you know, that's a rush of the feel good and they you know, one of the Year 12 girls is now keeping a dopamine diary to make sure that she does something that makes you feel good every day. It's lovely. When you're here a Year 5 kid going I feel the oxytocin going through me. And one of the St. Mark students commented when I am kind it feels like warm popcorn. I went Yeah. Yeah. Teaching people to feel it. So words, you know, it's very easy to ask a young person Oh, can you bring up a can in for the homeless but there's no feeling involved. The important thing I guess, in teaching kids in the Kindness challenge is that you're connecting them at a heart level and a mind level to they're starting to think about how does this integrate in my brain is my brain is growing because your adolescence is such a powerful time in your brain development when all of those neurons are sparking and trying to integrate, and so telling them about that, and they are so excited to learn about their brain, and then teaching them about how to lean in, and how to be kinder in that moment and to respond. I'm hearing from teachers that it's creating kinder classrooms, but I think it's got the potential to deal with a lot of the issues like bullying, exclusion, marginalisation. It's creating a more inclusive environment. And they say over 50% of young people are suffering from anxiety and mental health issues now. So at least one in five, Western Australian Young people have actually been diagnosed with mental illness, this is serious stuff, you know. And so I can be as flippant as I like, and look, I like the fun of what I do. But the reality is, if we could do this, and one of the parents said to me, I wish this was rolled out in every prison in every school and in every workplace. This could be the magical thing that prevents mental illness.

Sonia Nolan: 26:17

At everybody's essence, we want kindness, we want to be compassionate, we want to be understood, we would love to be authentic and vulnerable and fragile with everybody. But over, you know, life's lessons, sometimes we put on those, the shields and the masks and, and we start to be less trusting as time goes on. So to actually create space for people to feel they, they can be kind and they can be completely authentic. And it's actually not just good for you, it's good for others. And it's good for your brain, and your heart and everything you've described. It's just an incredible opportunity for people to really embrace.

Catherine Kolomyjec: 27:00

I'm going to throw something out to you now.

Sonia Nolan: 27:01

Oh, gosh, okay.

Catherine Kolomyjec: 27:03

So in every challenge we do, I want people to we all know how to be kind. But a lot of the time, we don't actually acknowledge how we feel when we are kind, and to actually have that moment of awareness. So I thought I might challenge you. Would you like to do an act of kindness right now?

Sonia Nolan: 27:19

Yes, absolutely.

Catherine Kolomyjec: 27:21

How does that make you feel?

Sonia Nolan: 27:22

It makes me feel excited.

Catherine Kolomyjec: 27:23

Okay, tell me how your body's feeling?

Sonia Nolan: 27:25

Oh, gosh, I just got all wriggly

Catherine Kolomyjec: 27:29

I can see you Your cheeks are suddenly flushed. Your posture change has just changed.

Sonia Nolan: 27:34

Yes.

Catherine Kolomyjec: 27:34

Feel your heart.

Sonia Nolan: 27:35

Feel my heart. It's there and it's beating. Yes.

Catherine Kolomyjec: 27:38

Okay. So

Sonia Nolan: 27:39

I feel quite excited. And, yeah, look, I'm there,

Catherine Kolomyjec: 27:43

I work with a little group so the Little Box of Happiness, I don't know if you've ever received one of these. So these beautiful ladies have a business. So you can send boxes of happiness to people, and they've actually partnered with us. So people can actually make a donation on their website. And then that allows us a box that we can actually send out to someone in need, which is an extraordinary gift that they have given us a wonderful thing to do. So I'm going to give this to you now. And we're going to turn off the podcast in a minute. And I want you there might be an elderly neighbour, is there someone in your street or there might be someone in your family? Who needs and I want you to go and give it to them?

Sonia Nolan: 28:22

Oh, gosh, okay,

Catherine Kolomyjec: 28:23

And see how they respond. And we'll come back and you can talk about how

Sonia Nolan: 28:28

I felt. Oh, I love it

Catherine Kolomyjec: 28:30

are you happy? This is actually doing the kindness challenge. I

Sonia Nolan: 28:33

this is actually applied compassion,

Catherine Kolomyjec: 28:36

absolutely applied compassion. And so there's no point in talking about it unless you feel it. And it should be fun. Because I guess the one thing that compassion keys into your happy Centre in your brain, it doesn't go into your pain centre. So empathy, a lot of the time you're feeling the thing and it goes through pain, because compassion is your happy centre. You're actually not about you, it's actually about feeling the other person. And so it brings

Sonia Nolan: 28:59

That's so interesting. That comes back to joy. what you were saying earlier about the seven areas that light up in your brain. So it's the happy places. Okay, so we're going to turn off the podcast, I'm going to go and be kind and do something radically compassionate and fabulous.

Catherine Kolomyjec: 29:14

And then you're going to talk

Sonia Nolan: 29:15

and then I'm going to talk about my experience of doing that. Awesome. Catherine. Okay, we'll be back. Okay, we're back.

Catherine Kolomyjec: 29:27

How did you go?

Sonia Nolan: 29:28

Oh, it was so exciting. It was fun.

Catherine Kolomyjec: 29:31

Yeah. So tell me so.

Sonia Nolan: 29:32

Okay. All right. So just to explain to everybody Catherine has challenged me to go and do a kindness challenge. And it was a box that was a white box about a bit like a shoe box. And it had a label on the top that talked about happiness, their happiness, and a little box of happiness

Catherine Kolomyjec: 29:52

with lots of little soothing things inside

Sonia Nolan: 29:56

do I go to, I didn't know which one to to go and knock on their door. So I chose one neighbour because I hadn't seen her for a while, but I've seen her car come in and out as we do. But I haven't connected with her for a little while. So I thought I'd start with her and knock on her door. Sadly, she wasn't home. So I thought that's okay. Because there's other wonderful neighbours to connect with. So I went to another door, and the husband was home. And so he was a bit surprised he was quiet, he really didn't know what was going on. Like, what's crazy Sonia doing now? And so he took the box and was a little bit unsure of what it was. And so I introduced him to Catherine. And he goes, Oh, is this this podcast thing that you're doing? And I said yes, it's all part of that. And he accepted the box. And when we described what it was like a box of happiness, his face just lit up. And he was quite quite chuffed

Catherine Kolomyjec: 30:59

did you see the sort of dimples in the smile.

Sonia Nolan: 31:01

Just gorgeous, so I made sure he promised to share that with his wife. And so they were going to enjoy this little box of happiness and come back to us and let us know what they thought after they'd opened. So it was good fun. Catherine, thank you so much for setting me off on that little challenge,

Catherine Kolomyjec: 31:18

oh you're verywelcome now just I guess, so that everybody's listening can What does it feel like for you

Sonia Nolan: 31:24

Well, I definitely feel more awake and alive having now? done that. So I feel quite, you know, the excitement, the adrenaline, maybe that's the adrenaline, all the happy hormones. have gone through. And I love my happy hormones. And I feel great to have connected. Because I haven't seen this neighbour for a little while. Again, you see each other across the road. And but you don't actually stop and have a chat. And so I feel quite happy to have had that connection. So yeah, I guess I feel in my head, I was thinking part of me was thinking, Oh, I hope he gets this. I hope he understands what this is. And I think there was a bit of confusion, but then he sort of got it. And that made me feel made me feel good that you know, even you don't have to understand happiness, but it is contagious. I think I could see that it was contagious. So Catherine, that challenge was fun. And I would absolutely encourage others to do a challenge as similar as that whether it's picking some herbs out of the garden and dropping them off to a neighbour or taking the mail in for a neighbour or whatever it is a phone call out of the blue for someone who you haven't spoken with for a while, you know, whatever that act of kindness is. Choose kindness, choose it

Catherine Kolomyjec: 32:35

100% And it won't just change other people's lives, it will change yours. And I think it can change the world.

Sonia Nolan: 32:42

Catherine it has been absolute sheer happiness and joy to share this moment around my warm table today. Thank you so much for helping us learn how to be kinder, and to really understand what a difference that will make to our brain to our heart and to our communities. Thank you so much for joining me

Catherine Kolomyjec: 33:05

Thanks for having this on you and you're just beautiful, beautiful human.

Sonia Nolan: 33:13

You've been listening to My Warm Table with Sonia Nolan in Italian a 'tavola calda' is a warm and welcoming table where you can share big ideas, friendship, laughter and life. So much happens around the kitchen table, and I wanted to amplify it here in this podcast. My aim is to feed your mind and soul through smart conversations with heart. No topic is off limits, but good table manners rule. I hope you'll join us each week as we set the table for my extraordinary guests who will let you feast on their deep knowledge, life experiences and wise insights. Let's keep the conversation flowing. Please subscribe to the My Warm Table podcast and share it with your friends and networks. Perhaps if they're new to podcasting, take a moment to show them how to download and subscribe so they don't miss an episode either. I'd also love you to join our community on Facebook. You will find the group at My Warm Table Podcast. Your support is very much appreciated so that together we can eat, think and be merry.